The Musing of Ishida
by Within Imagination
Summary: Ishida's thoughts from Kurosaki's defeat at Ulquiorra's hand until said Espada's demise... and even a bit beyond. /one-shot\


Dear Reader,

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. This is merely a retelling of the fight between Ulquiorra, Ishida, and Kurosaki from the perspective of Ishida. It is told in past tense, and at the end of the story you will see why. The story's sentence structure is also rather choppy, as you will discover, but this was intentional. I was attempting to imitate thought pattern, which is often composed of short, straight-to-the-point statements that are reconstructed into full sentences when they are put into words through the voice.

This story was written mainly because I haven't written in a while, but also because, like Sado and Inoue in the current manga, I just simply REFUSE to believe that Ishida is siding with the _Wandenreich without having some reason that will ultimately help the Soul Society! And… end of rant. That is why I wrote this story, as well. I wanted to establish more of the friendship between Ishida and Kurosaki that the manga has so far failed to demonstrate._

I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. Believe me when I say that, if I did own such a glorious thing, there would be a movie about Ishida by now. But, sadly, no; I do not. They belong solely to Tite Kubo.

Thank you and enjoy the story. Any comments, criticism, and insinuations to mistakes made in storyline or grammar are welcome.

~Within Imagination~

* * *

It was over. Ulquiorra had won. That was what I remember thinking when I saw said Espada with his arm piercing straight through Kurosaki's chest. I was speechless; I honestly couldn't believe that, after all he had said and done, Kurosaki would simply up and get himself impaled. I remember daring a glance at Inoue-san and instantly regretting it. The poor girl—the only woman I had ever had certain feelings for—looked as if she had completely gone into shock.

I didn't blame her. I couldn't. Kurosaki was her all; she would have given up her very life for him in a heartbeat. In fact, it was clear that the very reason she left in the first place was to spare him any more pain for her sake.

And she had failed.

I had wanted to approach her—to comfort her, and hold her, and tell her that everything would be all right. But that was just the thing. Everything wouldn't be all right. Kurosaki lost.

He _lost_.

Without Kurosaki, everything we'd worked so hard for would crumble to pieces, and Karakura Town would be destroyed. The Soul Society would follow and, with it, the rest of the world. Hollows would run rampant and the poor souls that had been slain in the world's demise would have no way of defending themselves. No hope, whatsoever. Aizen would relentlessly annihilate everything until he was king of a dead place.

I had fully allowed myself to fall into despair as I stood there, staring at the scene before me. I could not even bring myself to look away from the heart-shattering scene… until the Espada carelessly decided to throw Kurosaki's body over the side of the tower. In that very moment, my hope was rekindled. Even as Inoue-san screamed frantically, I remember thinking, "What a relief! Now that we have his body, Inoue-san can simply use her Sōten Kisshun technique to heal him and bring him back!"

I was awakened from my reverie when Inoue-san's shield, its bright golden hue a stark contrast against the black and white of Hueco Mundo, spread out to catch Kurosaki before he could reach the ground. She wasted no time in her haste to reach his body and begin healing.

I knew that Ulquiorra would stop her before he had even moved from his perch atop of the tower.

He flash-stepped in front of her. His stature was by no means massive, but his newly awakened form was more than enough to halt Inoue-san's rushed gait. He told her that no matter what she did, it was futile. Kurosaki could not be saved. By that time, she was practically beside herself… and I felt anger rising within me.

Inoue-san could do it. No—she **_would _**do it. No matter what the injury, all Inoue-san needed was to use Sōten Kisshun to revert to a time when the body was fully whole—that was it! Time! Of course, right then was when I realized just what my part in all of this finally was. Why had I come to the top of Las Noches in the first place? The answer was blatantly obvious.

I had to buy time for Inoue-san to heal Kurosaki's wounds.

Once I understood the situation, I assessed that the only thing I could possibly do was so recklessly insane that it would seem as though Kurosaki had actually rubbed off on me.

I did it anyway. Before the Espada could comprehend that I was gone, I used Hirenkyaku to appear behind him and send him a quick message in the form of a volley of arrows. The message: Get the hell away from Inoue-san or you will regret it. I'm fairly certain he received it, even though he did simply bat away my arrows as if they were flies in the wind.

He glared at me, as if trying to discern whether or not I was a worthy enough opponent for him. I wasn't an imbecile; in my head, I knew that if Kurosaki had not been able to defeat him, then I definitely would not be able to do so. But in my _heart_, I knew that I had to hold my own against him, if only for a few minutes!

My message paid off; the Espada lost all interest in Inoue-san and she was able to run past him and begin healing Kurosaki's body. I continued my assault, torrent after torrent of arrows—and even a Licht Regen—streaming from my bow. He deflected every last one of them. It was needless to say that I was impressed at his ability to walk away from my Licht Regen without even a scratch, but I was not in the least bit frightened.

He confronted me with an onslaught of words—of all things—stating that he was surprised and believed me to be the most level-headed of the group that came to Hueco Mundo. I knew what he really meant.

"Why are you fighting me when you know that you have absolutely no chance of victory whatsoever?"

I wasn't about to take that sitting down.

"I'm keeping my cool," I replied. "That's why I'll be able to handle you."

He wasn't impressed. In fact, I daresay that my words simply bored him. He continued to deflect any and all arrows I shot at him. No matter which method I tried—in the air, on the ground, from behind, from above—nothing worked. I could hardly believe that his ranking was only number four…

I realized then that my mind should have been more focused on the battle. I was in the air at the time, and the Espada used flash-step to attack me from behind. His strength was unbelievable. I could hardly believe that I was still conscious after he knocked me straight through the tower's wall. He seemed amused by that point, as if he had been toying with me the whole time.

However, I refused to relent. Calling up Ginrei Kojaku once more in my right hand and brandishing a Seele Schneider in my left, I stood my ground to face him once more. His sudden appearance beside me, however, whispering those three little words, affected me much more than it should have.

"It's this arm?"

He said it with such clarity… such _surety_… There was no doubt in his mind that my left arm, which he held tightly within his grip, was the arm that I used mainly as an archer. It was the arm I used to pull back bows; it was the arm I used to wield Seele Schneider; it was the arm I used for balance and security and defense…

Pain and shock were all that registered to me in the next few moments. I managed to use Hirenkyaku to quickly move away from him, but the damage had already been done. Quickly swallowing some pills to staunch the blood flow and numb the pain, I dared a glance at my left arm… which had been completely severed just above the wrist. I felt ill—sick to my stomach with unease that I would never again be able to call myself a Quincy. But I couldn't think like that at a time like this. I had to keep going. Inoue-san most likely wasn't finished healing Kurosaki, yet. After everything was over and done she could heal my arm, as well. Everything would be fine… It just… had to be…

"Ishida-kun?"

It was then that I realized that my Hirenkyaku had taken me straight to Inoue-san. After cursing myself for my carelessness, I hastily assured her that everything was fine and she needn't worry about me. She needed to focus on Kurosaki or else everything that I had been doing would have been in vain. She understood, but looked so frightened… so alone. I hated seeing her worry like this.

I was out of time. Ulquiorra was approaching and I couldn't even see correctly; the pain and drugs were fogging my mind. Even so, I unsheathed another Seele Schneider with my right hand and charged at the Espada with all I had left.

I didn't make it within three feet of him before he mercilessly kicked me aside. I can't quite recall correctly, but I could have sworn that the next few hits he landed on me were from his tail…

Inoue-san was calling out to me.

She was worried… no—terrified. I could hear it in her voice. It was shaky. She didn't know what to do. I vaguely registered that she had put up a shield around me as I could no longer move from the pain, but it was destroyed after one simple hit from the Espada.

_How could he be this powerful?_ I thought at the time. _If he, number four, is this powerful, how powerful could the others above him possibly be? Numbers three, two, and one… Heaven forbid there be a number zero!_

His name. She was calling _his _name while I was on the ground, pitilessly beaten by the Espada Number Four in my attempts to grant her time to heal _him_. And yet, even now I can't bring myself to hate her for it. She had been traumatized, and so she was calling out to the only one she thought able to save both her and myself—the only one who had been able to save us both in the past—the one who, ironically, occupied my thoughts as well as I laid there, anticipating death…

Ichigo Kurosaki.

And suddenly he was there. Except it wasn't him.

As the drugs finally began to work, I sat up slightly and stared in horror at the monster my rival—no, my comrade—had become. His skin was as white as my Quincy uniform, but I could not find myself taking humor in the irony. His hair had grown much longer and his body seemed larger. The one thing that terrified me most of all, however, was actually located on his chest. Or, shall I say, _through_ his chest.

The hole was still there. His injury from Ulquiorra had yet to be repaired. Inoue-san had failed.

Kurosaki was a Hollow.

I couldn't bring myself to believe it no matter the evidence. Kurosaki simply could _not _give in like that. It was both physically and mentally impossible for such a stubborn, brainless idiot like him to abandon all reason!

His zanpaktou flew into his hand with only a slight gesture, and the ground gave way as he gave the weapon an intimidating swing. I rushed to Inoue-san as fast as I could, for the pressure of that swing had sent her flying backwards, towards the tower. I knew from experience how painful that could have been. Catching her with my own body, we both fell back to the ground, holding onto each other even after the pressure died down. Neither of us could believe it… This form Kurosaki had taken…

And then it started. All hell broke loose as Ulquiorra focused once more on Kurosaki and fired a cero… and Kurosaki fired one right back at him. When both ceros met, it was no surprise that they exploded into one huge pillar of fire, each one unable to overpower the other. Inoue-san and I held our ground as best as we could.

As another blast erupted from the sky, a thought occurred to me. If Kurosaki really was a full-blown Hollow, then why was he still fighting Ulquiorra? My eyes widened in realization; he had heard Inoue-san's voice! He had heard her crying for help, crying for someone to save us, and he had come back! Of course, since he hadn't been fully healed yet, he returned in the only form his injured body allowed… the form of his inner Hollow.

Kurosaki had torn the arm off of the Espada. It was cruel and merciless, nothing like what the Ichigo Kurosaki I knew would do. Inoue-san realized it, too. She wondered aloud whether or not this was really Kurosaki… But it was. It _had _to be. For all of our sakes.

The Espada brought out a new weapon. It was a long name in a language I didn't know, so I couldn't remember just what it was called, but it was powerful. Even after it missed its mark and flew past Kurosaki into the desert beyond, the aftereffects of the blast completely tore the tower to shreds and left me wondering just how bad the effect would have been if it _had _hit its mark.

Unfazed, however, the Espada simply drew out another of the same weapon to try again. I was horrified; Inoue-san and I could barely withstand the first one… just how many of these could he make?

Kurosaki was winning. No matter how many times that Espada tried to gain the upper hand, he was ineffective. Kurosaki was absolutely ruthless. It had to have been one of the most—no, definitely _the_ most—brutal fight I had ever seen in my life. At some points, I couldn't even follow them because they were simply too fast for my eyes to see.

And then it was over. Before I could even register it, Kurosaki and Ulquiorra were on the ground, and Kurosaki had almost completely severed the Espada's left side.

Ulquiorra seemed to fall in slow motion, as if he couldn't believe that he had been beaten. Inoue-san and I displayed outward signs of shock at the grotesqueness, but on the inside I—and perhaps Inoue-san, too—was completely filled with relief. It was over. The worst battle we had ever been through… was over. We had Inoue-san; we could go back to Karakura Town and stop Aizen from releasing the _Hōgyoku. Then, everything would go back to normal…_

So why… Why was Kurosaki pushing the Espada further into the ground? And why was he conjuring a cero to destroy him even further!? I simply couldn't believe that this was the same person I had been calmly conversing with not even two hours ago…

When the cero released, it was horrendous. It even broke through the floor and into Las Noches below us. Inoue-san shielded us, but I could tell that it took a lot out of her. She was running on pure adrenaline now.

Kurosaki flung the Espada aside and moved to stand over it. He seemed so much more…beastly. As if a human part of him had fallen away the moment he released that cero. I gazed on in shock as I realized that Kurosaki was actually planning to run his zanpaktou straight through the beaten half-body of the Espada he had already won against. No, if he did that… if he did that…

Before I could stop myself, I was at Kurosaki's side. My right hand had grabbed his left at the wrist.

"That's enough, Kurosaki," I said, gazing at him with sorrow-filled eyes. I knew that if he were to run the Espada through, he would most certainly…

"The battle's over. He was our enemy, but there's no need to carve up his corpse."

He didn't move. He simply stood there, still poised to attack as if he didn't even hear me.

"I said enough, Kurosaki."

No movement. My grip tightened as desperation seeped into my voice.

"Can you hear me, Kurosaki?! It's time to stop!"

I had to stop him… I _had _to! If I didn't, then he would… he would…

"**Do it and you really will no longer be human**!"

He was fighting my grip.

"Don't, Kurosaki!" I screamed.

I could no longer contain myself. He would become a monster if he did this. I had to stop him! I had to bring Kurosaki back!

My stomach hurt suddenly. Right below my chest, underneath my ribs, there was an unexpected pain. I didn't want to believe it, but I had no choice. My left hand had been cut off; my body had been beaten to almost uselessness…

And, now, I had been impaled by Kurosaki's zanpaktou.

I flew back, dimly hearing Inoue-san calling out to me, but I didn't respond. I couldn't. What was there to respond with? Kurosaki was gone—replaced by his Hollow self. The real Kurosaki and I may not have gotten along too well, but he surely wouldn't have run me through. This was not Kurosaki. Not anymore.

He was conjuring another cero. This one was aimed at me, and there was nothing I could do but sit there, awaiting the final blow.

It was then, however, that something happened even I didn't expect.

Ulquiorra, the Espada who couldn't have cared less when he fought and beat me, was _saving_ me. He had cut off one of the Hollow's horns, which it used to create its ceros. The cero was off-balance, and detonated to the left rather than straight at me.

I was relieved, but never more so than when I heard a loud cracking noise. The Hollow's mask broke… It _broke_! Kurosaki was still in there! Even as he fell forward to the ground, I couldn't help but be filled with relief. He had snapped out of it. Perhaps, Kurosaki could still be saved.

I let out a soft sigh, but instantly regretted it as my lungs seized up. I coughed lightly, trying not to worry Inoue-san as she was busy fussing over Kurosaki once more. It would seem that the zanpaktou was more accurate than I had originally thought. I was coughing up blood; it must have been protruding from one of my lungs.

I didn't have much time to ponder this, however, as Kurosaki's reiatsu suddenly heightened, withdrawing from his Hollow body and leaving him… human! Human with a gaping hole in his chest, but still human! The reiatsu swirled in the air, spiraling faster and faster until, finally, it returned to its original owner…

…sealing the wound in his chest along the way.

I was shocked. Ulquiorra was shocked. Inoue-san looked downright ready to faint. And then Kurosaki's body suddenly bolted upright. I think all three of us jumped slightly. He looked taken aback, feeling around his chest for the hole that he remembered receiving before losing consciousness. He had no memory of his time as a Hollow. He seemed relieved to know that Inoue-san was alright, but then whirled around to face me with wide, haunted eyes.

_Ah, so he's finally sensed my dwindling reiatsu… _I remember thinking.

Even so, I was too relieved to dwell on the fact that I was dying.

"You've snapped out of it…" I said in a weak voice, honestly never happier to see the face that I had once loathed.

"Did I do that to you?" he whispered, unable to come to terms with the fact that he may have indeed done so.

I opened my mouth to answer him, but found myself instead drawing in a deep breath. My lungs didn't seem to be functioning properly…

I was spared from reply by the fact that Ulquiorra decided to join in the conversation, distracting Kurosaki before he could realize that I was, indeed, struggling for air. I couldn't hear what they were saying at the time; I was too busy attempting to dislodge the sword in my midsection. One part of me was saying that I had to do it or else I would no longer be able to breathe, but another part was saying that it would simply be worse for me to do so as more blood would fill my lungs and I would also bleed heavily externally.

The decision was made, however, when I suddenly felt the ominous reiatsu of the Espada in front of me. His hand—the only one he had left, I realized—gripped the hilt of the blade and pulled. I didn't want to try to stop him, but the agonizing pain that cascaded through me unconsciously drew my hands up. My weak body was no use at the time, however, and the zanpaktou was ripped from my body, leaving me lying limply against a protruding stone in the ground.

Kurosaki was appalled—horror-stricken, really—he even asked the Espada if he had been the one to stab me and cut off said Espada's arm and leg. In frustration, and trust me when I say that I know how to tell when Kurosaki is frustrated, he ordered Ulquiorra to cut off his own arm and leg to make the fight fair.

Inoue-san and I called out to him. I can't quite remember what it was I said—my mind was fairly hazy with pain at the time—but I do know that both she and I were telling him not to do it. But it was too late. The Espada had agreed.

I fell back against the protruding stone once more and held my hand tightly against the wound, attempting to stem the bleeding as I struggled to breathe. I couldn't let the Espada cut off Kurosaki's arm and leg, but I didn't have the strength to move anymore. I was quite surprised myself that I had managed to stay conscious that long. Distantly, I could hear Kurosaki, Ulquiorra, and Inoue-san in the middle of a conversation. There were no screams of pain, however, so that was good. I could tell that the three of them were discussing something very important, so I muffled my pain-filled gasps as best as I could.

But why was I doing so? Was it not everyone else's fault that I was like this in the first place? It was Inoue-san's fault for asking me to bring her up here—no, for leaving in the first place! It was Ulquiorra's fault for cutting off my hand and beating me mercilessly! It was Kurosaki's fault for turning into a Hollow and impaling me!

And it… it was my fault, as well... It had been my fault since the moment I agreed to come to Hueco Mundo in the first place. I hadn't been forced here. I hadn't been forced to do anything since I had_been_ here. Everything I had done had been my own decision.

_I_ agreed with Inoue-san that we should go to the roof of Las Noches. _I_ chose to act as a decoy and fight with Ulquiorra while Kurosaki was being healed. _I _attempted to stop Kurosaki even though I knew he could never have heard me in his Hollow form…

And so, even then, I couldn't bring myself to blame any of them, the same way I couldn't bring myself to blame Inoue-san for calling out Kurosaki's name earlier.

The Espada had faded away. I couldn't tell exactly how long it had been after I opened my eyes once more, but I saw the last of him fade away into the never-ending night of Hueco Mundo. Inoue-san looked as if she were about to cry, and Kurosaki simply looked stunned. But why? What had they conversed about while I was within my own musing?

Another wave of pain. This time, I couldn't hold back a choked cry as it felt as though my very soul were being pulled from my body. And, perhaps, this was the case. I could no longer breathe, but I struggled to anyway. I didn't want to die. Kurosaki's voice filtered through my mind as he yelled my name. I somehow managed to open my eyes slightly to see him leaning over me.

_That's weird…_ I thought. _His voice sounds so far away…_

My hand fell limply from the wound it was covering. I no longer had the strength to hold it there. It didn't even reach the ground, however, before it was snatched up once more. My eyes had closed again, but when? I didn't recall closing them… I opened them with great effort as Kurosaki continued to call my name. He had my hand clenched within both of his own and was angrily telling me that I couldn't die.

What an idiot. If only he knew just how traumatizing it was for _me_ to see _him_ with a gaping hole in his chest. He _had_ been dead. I was still in the process of dying, but I would be fine. Inoue-san's healing shield was already around both myself and Kurosaki. I had no idea until then that she could heal two people at once.

I remember glancing at Inoue-san, my eyelids slowly closing as I knew that I would no longer be able to open them until I was fully healed. The glowing shield separating us encased her in an almost divine light...

And I remember gazing up at Kurosaki once more. His eyes still held that same look of intense remorse that they had after he first awakened from being a Hollow. Before completely losing consciousness, I managed to give him a small smile. It wasn't very showy, nor was it a victory or an I-told-you-so smile. It was more of a relieved, everything-is-finally-over-now smile that one might have after a long day of work when they are finally able to sleep.

It did its job. Kurosaki's eyes closed, then reopened a moment later with the softest look I had ever seen in them as he gave me the same exact smile that I had given him.

My eyes closed fully, but I was told that the smile remained. And even now, as I watch over Kurosaki who has lost most of his reiatsu and Shinigami ability from fighting with Aizen, I recall how he himself watched over me as I recovered from that dreadful battle with the Espada Number Four, Ulquiorra Cifer.

Since that time, Kurosaki has ever remained the main topic of my musing.

Ichigo Kurosaki: my classmate, my rival, my savior, my comrade…

My friend.


End file.
